before he comes

It’s September 25th. The day before I’m due to have a baby. How on Earth did this day ever come?

In some ways, I feel like I will never have this baby. Like he’s just cozied up inside of me and will be for the next… I don’t know, forever? Part of it is that [praise Jesus] I’m not awfully terribly uncomfortable like it seems so many women are as they approach 40 weeks. I think another part of it is that labor just comes when it comes, right? There’s really no this-certainly-happens-the-day-before-you’ll-go-into-labor things. Any indicators of being “close” to actually popping out a human are awfully vague, and usually mean baby’s coming in either the next several days or the next several weeks.

For the most part, the waiting has been ok, but it messes with the part of me that prefers to plan and more importantly mentally prepare for things. It’s so odd to caveat all your plans with “well, as long as the baby’s not here yet.” I’ve sort of been making two sets of mental plans for the next couple weeks and its striking how wildly different they feel. For example: Friday I’ll meet my friends at a coffee shop and study for NP boards for as long as I can handle. OR I’ll be passed out on our couch (that’s what you do after labor, right?) with a new baby, my mom will be in town, Jer will be home, and my in-laws will be on their way. It’ll be buckle-down-and-study mode, or sleep/vacation/family/not-at-all-thinking-about-boards mode. Vierd, ja.

The crazy thing about having your due date riiiiight around the corner is that once you get this close, you start to think about the very real (and seemingly likely) possibility of going past that date, and by more than just a couple days. I can sort of wrap my head around this kid coming Friday, or Saturday, or even Sunday. But October? Even second week of October?? Ohhhh Lordy. I don’t know if my brain can handle fourteen more days of wondering, dual-planning, caveating.

Of course I understand that shortly there will be a tiny human in my house and I’ll hardly be able to fathom having written this blog post. I guess that’s sort of what inspired me to ramble a bit here today. I have this sense that everything is about to change, but here I am, still my normal self, pre-baby, pre-parent, unaware of what the other side of all of this actually holds.

Its a quiet, peaceful morning here in my home today. The last several weeks really have been good. For the most part, the Lord has marked my days with peace and contentment through the waiting. I haven’t been consumed by a desire to fast forward, and for that I am extremely thankful. Jeremy and I have really enjoyed putting the baby boy’s room together, and home life has felt a little more sane than usual. We’ve been able to do some of the things we love to do together most, and I’ve been struck by what a joy it is that we share so many of our quirks [read: crazy]. We took a trip to ikea the other night and both fell completely in love with a not-really-actually-very-babyish floor lamp that we both saw as perfect for the nursery. We responsibly walked away from the lamp, and shortly after both agreed we better have a second look at the lamp, which we ultimately brought home with us.

I think Jer’s gotten into a bit of a groove with his studies and work commitments, which is huge considering the significant increase in intensity and sheer hours required that this semester and the beginning of fall have brought. I’ve had great times of work and study for boards with my grad school friends, and its been such a blessing to spend time with them again after having not seen much of each other since the end of our program.

There’s really no rush for baby to arrive. I’ve been praying and praying that he would come at the exact perfect right time, and I really believe that he will. God knows aaaall the factors to consider surrounding his arrival–far more than I do–and that’s comforting. The boy will come when he comes.

This God–his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. Psalm 18:30.

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One comment

  1. Jean Moore · September 26, 2013

    Pure sweetness! Thanks for sharing:) XX

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