here it comes

My first day of classes at Biola ended in tears on a hill. I was certain I had come to the wrong place. I felt behind and like I knew nothing about the Bible compared to my classmates. Jeremy told me that I was at Biola to learn, not demonstrate what I already knew. He told me I was at an advantage knowing less; I would have the opportunity to learn and grow far more than anyone who wasn’t lost on the first day of classes.

I was a communications major that year. I learned more about the Bible in that one year than I had probably learned throughout my entire life so far. I also learned how to study well, how to write real papers, give speeches, make new friends.

I just turned in a 13 page paper discussing the Biblical theology of the book of Daniel. I flew across the world to Rwanda to work as a nurse for three weeks.Last weekend I got certified in ACLS. ACLS is basically training in how to save a life. Arrythmias, code blues, medications, CPR, defibrillation. I’m going to be an ICU nurse next year.

Things have changed since that first day on that hill. And the end is almost officially here. As I reflect on the contrast between that first day and now, it’s hard to believe how much has happened in 5 years. I’m excited and proud to be done. But I’m not excited to leave all this. Ready, I think… but I’m aware life is not going to be the same in 4 days. Here goes nothin.

shoot.

I’ve spent a while now hating on macs. Lovin on the PCs. Bonding with other PC lovers and sticking my nose up at those mac people. Well I hate to say it but dag nabit I’m lusting after my husband’s white macbook.

See my computer died last week because my power cord broke. I ordered myself a replacement cord, but of course it didn’t come in time and so I was forced to borrow Jeremy’s (temporarily) extra mac. Well today the power cord came and I sort of want to hide it and act like “shoot, it never got here” or “dang, it’s not charging. I guess my computer’s still dead.”

I bought myself a nice Toshiba two summers ago. And boy was I proud of my purchase. What a trusty, user-friendly, nice-looking computer. But I got on this mac and it just makes me want to be organized and hard-working and nicer to other people.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but now I fantasize about the day (probably far off, when I’m starting grad school or something) when I’ll absolutely need a new computer and I’ll be free to turn to apple. This could also have something to do with the fact that my trusty toshiba has developed some trusty neon lines that run down my screen. (some recently developed permanent decor. Thanks, tosh.)

Anyways I’m loving this mac and I think I have no choice but to finish my paper on it (wouldn’t it be such a hassle to download my paper to another computer? I know, I thought so too).

what to say

I’m trying to sum up how my life has been affected by my experiences at Biola, what development in mind and character I’ve experienced throughout my time at school, and what preparation I’ve received for the future there… all in one page.

Yeah right. One page? I think I could write a book on this. I could go on and on. And then on some more about how I feel like I’m just getting started.

This one page paper, or biographical sketch, is for Biola’s honors society. You can apply to get into it if your GPA is at a certain place your last semester of school. But it’s not just any honors society. Well, I don’t know. Maybe it is. But for some reason it means a lot to me. And any honors society that wants to know about the three things I mentioned earlier is something I want to be associated with. So here I am, trying to get even a decent outline on some paper.

I guess it’s good that this is so difficult. I’m thankful for the ways God has used Biola to work in me, produce change and development. But gosh, what an overwhelming task to put it all into one page. I’ll let you know how it goes.

time for some Daniel

Last Wednesday I had to let go of The Character of God for good. After weeks and weeks (which felt like months and months) of praying nearly without ceasing, countless emails between professors, and a very emotional meeting with my new clinical instructor, the final answer was no. No with no exceptions. Good try, “Sounds like a great class,” but no.

So here I sit, the following Tuesday in my Daniel class (on break; don’t worry). I was going to give you a big spiel on the whole thing and how I felt about everything, but for some reason each time I sit down to do it, I don’t quite have the inspiration.

The whole point of writing this is to explain how I feel surprisingly at peace with the decision. The Lord has been working in my life through the Daniel class, and last week–the night before I was going to get my professor’s final word–I was actually thinking to myself, “If I’m allowed to remain in The Character of God, I think I’m going to have to seriously consider taking on two Bible classes this semester.” I couldn’t see myself dropping Daniel.

I don’t know exactly why God has kept me from The Character of God. However, I am confident that it is not a part of His will. Think about it. For basically a month straight, I pleaded with God that He would fulfill this desire of mine. Jeremy prayed along with me, as did many friends and family. Undoubtedly God heard our prayers, and is not simply ignoring us.

I’m positive that somehow my absence from The Character of God will allow God’s glory to be shown more than any other circumstance could have. This answer makes the most sense to me when I think about who God is.

So. Yes, it is still disappointing (it wasn’t easy walking into my class and asking Dr. Thoennes to sign my “drop” form), but at least we can all be thankful and full of Praise for a God who is in control of the universe, and so also our little lives.

still waiting

Well, I thought I’d let you know what’s going on with my Bible class. So far, not much. Turns out my clinical rotation is still a little up in the air, and so I’m not supposed to call the agency until Monday. Hopefully then I can straighten out whether I’ll be free from clinical Wednesday afternoons.

In the mean time, I’m working hard to be patient and I continue to tell myself no news is better than bad news. I keep getting told I’ll probably be able to get in contact with the agency “tomorrow,” which keeps getting pushed to later tomorrows, so I’m trying to prepare myself for more uncertainty as time goes on.

On Tuesday I attended another Bible class-one on the book of Daniel-just in case I end up having to drop The Character of God, finding myself a few Bible credits short of graduating. I think Daniel will be a great class. The content seems neat (perhaps mostly because the book of Daniel intrigues me) and the professor really knows his stuff. I tried with all my heart to get myself excited about the prospect of taking this class instead of The Character of God, but I left feeling a little discouraged. My heart’s just not quite there.

Wednesday, one of my nursing classes ended over an hour early, so I got to go catch the last hour of The Character of God,  which I’m unfortunately supposed to miss for the first two weeks. It. Was. Incredible. I was reminded of why my heart is so drawn to this class right now. Example for: THESE are the class objectives (straight from the syllabus):

1. Understand the teachings of Scripture about the character of God more accurately;

2. Use both the teachings of Scripture and our knowledge of the created universe to formulate accurate descriptions of various aspects of God’s character;

3. Come to know God better through this study, not only academically, but also as whole persons relating to God as a person;

4. Come to delight more fully in God and the excellence of his character and thereby become more theocentric in our thinking, affections and behavior;

5. Intensify our worship and gratitude to God, resulting in greater love for God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength;

6. Continue to develop the ability to apply truths learned in this course to life and ministry and thereby become more like Jesus and have a greater impact on the world for Christ and his kingdom.

SO much of this class is about major life transformation through Biblical study and academic rigor. And this professor is SO passionate about us as students being dedicated to these objectives. He cares deeply about our lives and that we come out of this class different people. Throughout the class we’ll be reading lots of books, leading and participating in thought-provoking God-centered discussion, memorizing and meditating on Psalm 103, writing a hymn (words AND music) focusing on one attribute of God, memorizing the definitions of all the attributes of God, and writing a major Biblical theology paper with another student in the class.

I feel like this class is arranged in such a way that completely aligns with both my spiritual and academic needs right now. This class will be the most important study I do this semester, and perhaps in my entire time at Biola.

There have been times before when I thought I knew exactly what would be best for me where I’ve been wrong and God has made that very clear in the end. Perhaps he wants to teach me something significant about the book of Daniel this semester. There could be many things God desires for me to learn outside the context of The Character of God. I’m very confident he always knows what’s best and is able to do far more than we ask or imagine.

The strong desire of my heart is to be studying his character through this class. Jeremy and I are praying he blesses me through the fulfillment of this desire. I would appreciate your prayers first and foremost for his will in my life, but without neglecting petition on my behalf for this class. I think the Lord delights when we ask him for what we tuly desire.

Much luv to all my friends and fams. I’ll keep you posted.

back to school

Well today was officially my last first day of school. Actually that statement is probably false, but since I’m not enrolled in grad school yet, I think it’s fun to pretend I have no idea whether I’ll go back to school someday just so I can say it.

It was a pretty good last first day. It’s amazing how optimistic four months between myself and graduation has made me. It may also be that I had a strikingly uneventful J term post Christmas vacation with the exception of the semi-surprise visit from my ma. A couple of my friends told me today that this break made them see how it could be fun to be a stay at home mom. I suppose I can agree with the stay at home mom appeal when I imagine having a handful of kids to keep me busy or something, but being home with a whole lot of nothing to do for four whole weeks made me an eager beaver to be back at school today.

In fact, I couldn’t sleep last night. I had a nice morning, too. I popped right out of bed with plenty of time to get ready for the day, and I even got to enjoy some auto-programmed coffee (thanks, mom). I loved being in class and taking notes and having someone go over all the work I’ll be doing for the next few months. I even found myself the perfect monthly/weekly planner.

There’s only one hang-up to this whole going back to school thing: the battle between my Bible class and my nursing clinical. In case you weren’t aware, I have wanted to take this Bible class for three years now. I got up at 3:30 in the morning on registration day last semester just to secure myself a spot. Unfortunately, over J term I received an email from my nursing professor telling me to drop my Bible class because it would conflict with my clinical schedule.

I begged and pleaded and swore I’d take any clinical rotation if it meant I could stay in my precious Bible course. This professor of mine has been working to help me out since, and tomorrow just may be the day the fate of my last semester will be revealed. I have a clinical assignment and whether I can stay in my Bible class depends on whether there is anything crucial I’ll need to attend on Wednesday afternoons. So. There’s still time and a chance, but I could very well be forced to drop The Character of God in exchange for some weak sauce Bible class. If you happen to see this post before Tuesday afternoon, PRAY FOR ME! Heck, even if it is after Tuesday afternoon, go ahead and pray for me. Since God is outside of time, He’ll probably know what you’re going to pray for when it’s “too late.”

I will say this one last thing about school starting up again. It didn’t quite meet all the needs I was hoping it would after a long January. I think that’s good to dwell on. When our lives aren’t totally everything we want them to be, it’s rarely because of one single thing that can be easily gotten. We’re very complex and have many needs.

Peace out for now. And you should be proud: two blog posts in one day. I think that’s a record.

Good morning, Africa

Much has happened in my life since July. Check out www.erintorwanda.wordpress.com to hear about how Kibuye, Rwanda stole my heart.