work and play

I’m proud to say I’ve been diligently studying all morning, so I’ve decided to take a break for a a visit here over a bit of a late lunch. I’ve just come off of yet another delightful weekend (which, per usual, was less full of school work than intended), and now I’m heading back into a week of exams. I think I’ve fallen into a pretty good stride with school and work and play. Work tends to take my mind off of school, school takes my mind off of work, and piano focuses my mind in an entirely different direction. In addition (as I’ve said before), it really does help to take some serious time off in the midst of a hefty stack of responsibilities. Gardening and recreation have provided much needed mental breaks, as well as a little perspective on everything else.

Pretty much every time the weather is relatively nice, I bother Jeremy to take me somewhere on the motorcycle. Last week, he agreed to a mid-week, mid-work-day gelato run back to our old stomping grounds in Wicker Park. The place is called Caffe Gelato, and it totally beats the trendy neighborhood competitor, Black Dog, where you’ll get a hefty dose of ‘tude along with your generally mediocre gelato.

No gelato shop could ever truly fill the Scoops-filled hole in my heart since we left Los Angeles, but this place comes darn close. Probably because it’s run by Italians. Those Italians know gelato.

Friday I had my third agency shift at a hospital in Humboldt Park. I stepped in poop on my way there (which I didn’t notice until I tracked it into the hospital), admitted a patient who’d undergone emergency surgery whose blood pressure was 56/35 when I arrived at 7am, and wound up working thirteen hours without eating anything more than a strip of fruit leather. Surprisingly, it was not an awful day. For the first time since starting agency, I felt like I knew what I was doing again; like my real nurse self was back, despite having to navigate paper charting and an inability to remember where anything is located. I ended the day with two healthy patients, a poop-free shoe bottom, and a dinner date with my husband at my favorite Thai food place. I had prayed hard for peace in the midst of difficult circumstances on my way to work, and I think God seriously enabled me to make it through the day without falling apart. I left thankful and encouraged.

This weekend was freakishly hot (which felt amazing), and we spent a decent chunk of time working on our vegetable garden. We’re nearly done planting. So far we’ve got tomatoes, onions, summer squash, zucchini, cucumbers, eggplant, brussels sprouts, green beans, romaine, butter crunch lettuce, bell peppers, hot peppers, and strawberries.

We had some scattered thundershowers last night, and I felt so happy for the plants! I can’t wait until things start growing large enough to eat!

Well, it’s been a lovely little break, but I better be going. I’m off to do a bit of practice before my lesson this afternoon! I’ve been working on a simplified version of this piece. Cheers!

work, school, and chickens.

I really shouldn’t be blogging right now. But so much has been happening over the past few weeks, and I’m pretty sure if I wait for a day where I can “find time” to blog, it may be June before I return here. So. I am going to give you a real quick rundown of what’s been happening around these parts lately.

First big piece of news: I quit my job at Northwestern. And let me tell you. IT FEELS GOOD. Leaving was a little bittersweet, because I really worked with some great people there, enjoyed my patients, and had a lot of autonomy in a setting I knew very well. Instead, I am now working at an agency, which means I spend my shifts working in different ICUs across Chicago. Why the switch? Many reasons, including increased flexibility and a 90% pay increase (maximizing my limited hours working). I think the best part of quitting my job at Northwestern was just taking something off my plate. My working hours haven’t decreased (in fact, they’ve increased), but for at least a few days, I was able to tell myself, “BREATHE. ONE LESS THING TAKING UP PRECIOUS MENTAL SPACE.”

School is TRYING TO CONSUME MY LIFE. I suppose that’s appropriate, considering I plan to graduate with a masters next summer. A few weeks ago, I pulled my first grad school all nighter (impressive, actually, considering it’s my third quarter) and spent every other day of that week sleeping an average of five to six hours. I remember telling myself, “I just have to get through these three exams, this research paper, and these two projects, and I’ll be able to breathe again.” When the madness of that week was finally over, I realized I had another two weeks of exams, projects, and NOT A LOT OF SLEEP ahead. Shoot. So it began to look like there was going to be no break before the end of the quarter in five weeks. And since that realization I’ve come to discover three things:

1. I DESPERATELY WANT A TROPICAL VACATION.

2. EVERY WEEK IS FINALS WEEK.

3. SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO JUST ACT LIKE YOU’RE ON VACATION WHEN YOU ARE SO NOT ON VACATION.

And so. This weekend, before my week of two more major exams and project deadlines looming closely, I acted like I was on vacation. Because WEDNESDAY I WORKED 14 HOURS, THURSDAY was HAVE-YOUR-NEAR-PANIC-ATTACK-DAY, as always, and FRIDAY I had to go to the doctor to get a CAMERA STUCK UP MY NOSE. So yeah, I thought this seemed like a good weekend for a vacation.

It was lovely. Friday evening I actually SAW my husband. Woot! Saturday a bunch of KICK A. women from my church came to my house to eat quiche and drink mimosas and RELAX together. It was the best. Then I hung out with my husband AGAIN (what!). We made dinner and watched A WEBISODE that night. YES! Sunday, after all the regular lovely things we get to do from 8am to 2pm, WE GOT CHICKENS. REAL. LIVE. FLUFFY. EGG-LAYING CHICKENS. Here’s one:

They’re silkies (you can read about them on wikipedia), a little over one year old. And let me tell you. They are a HOOT. I feel like such a farm person. Trudging through the mud in our backyard making it chicken-ready was the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Ok. Well I should really get off to studying for these exams. UNTIL NEXT TIME.

A Tribute to 2010

Last year I started off the New Year looking ahead. I distinctly remember feeling like January 1st, 2010 was a clean fresh start with endless possibilities for new and great things. After revisiting a blog post I wrote in honor of the new year, I couldn’t help but peruse other old blog posts to see how the year had turned out. I think reminiscing is a good and healthy practice that everyone should discipline themselves to do every now and then. And so. Here I write a tribute to the year 2010, in the form of “Things that Happened in the Year 2010:”

We got a motorcycle.

Turns out there’s nothing like owning an old Honda CB350 in LA. I think the thing I miss most about living in a place where the weather is always favorable is being able to go for late afternoon rides anytime of the year.

The World’s Fair Book and Supper Club was born.

Inspired by Matt Smith and dreamt up by my husband and Jonathan Charles Wright, the supper club was (and still is) a huge success. Jeremy and I hosted the first meeting. We made a six-course meal complete with wine pairings and Joseph Conrad’s favorite cocktail, the Singapore Sling.

Wes Anderson brought us The Fantastic Mr. Fox.

The fact that my husband saw this movie in theaters twice is testimony enough that its a best film of 2010. If you still haven’t seen it, you’ve been foolish.

Stories Books and Cafe released the recipe for the worlds most fantastic veggie chili.

I still can’t believe the man behind the counter offered to write his very own self-perfected recipe on a piece of paper for me. Boy oh boy, we’ve reaped the benefits of this one more than once.

I read this book:

And what a great idea it was. Everyone should read George MacDonald’s fairy tales. I recommend reading this entire collection. I have yet to read his longer works. Better add this to my list of things to do in 2011.

We discovered Scoops.

Scoops: the place that made me believe in gelato. Once we found this gem, we went there all the time. What flavors! One of my personal favorites: pear white wine.

I ate artichokes for the first time.

When I lived in LA, I learned of the glory of fresh vegetables. I wish Abundant Harvest could have followed us to Chicago. It was thanks to our CSA these artichokes found their way into our hearts and bellies.

My husband got a masters.

All those long nights at LMU finally paid off. I was very proud.

Jeremy finished his last year at JCMS (Johnny Cochran Middle School) and was hired by Teach for America.

Getting hired by TFA in Chicago was a surprisingly new direction for our lives. We made the decision to leave LA and packed our bags to leave within the next two months.

We said goodbye to our first apartment.

I’m convinced there’s a very real possibility we may never again live in a place as wonderful as 1331 1/2 Laveta Terrace. I loved everything about it.

We drove across the country in a giant Penske truck.

We lost our AC in the middle of the dessert, blew a tire, busted our trailer and still managed to make it to Chicago in one piece.

Chicago became our new home.

Summertime was a great time to come to Chicago. We quickly grew fond of the place and settled right in.

I got a new job.

I was amazed to find a job in a CTICU so quickly after moving to a new city.

I finally convinced Jeremy it would be a good idea to get a dog. Enter William.

What a brilliant idea. We love this little guy.

I discovered Mumford and Sons, and also fell a little bit in love with the music of Sufjan Stevens.

I’m late, yes I know. But boy have these two discoveries added lots of good to my life.

Jeremy and I rode 50 miles on our bikes in Hancock county, Ohio.

My trusty steed made it the whole way in mint condition, but we suffered two bum tires on Jeremy’s bike.

I survived the dreaded GRE.

I never thought I’d have to take this test, but I made it through with no major casualties.

I took up knitting.

Here’s the beginnings of my first project: a scarf.

I became an aunt.

Thanks to two of our favorite people in the whole wide world, we have a baby niece named Mercy in Ethiopia. Josh and Becca finally received news of a baby girl waiting for them to become her legal parents in just over a month!

We dove into wintertime for the first time in seven years.

It’s been a long time since we’ve really known winter. I am now the proud owner of a down parka. My husband has started drinking coffee. Big changes, people.

So there you have it. It’s hard to believe 2010 started out on a motorcycle in sunny California and ended in a down parka on the streets of Chicago. What a great year! I’m so blessed. Here’s to another great year behind us, with high hopes for the year ahead! Happy new year, folks.

Study Time

It’s risky business blogging without a plan, but here I am. And here you are.

I’m sitting inside Letizia’s Bakery on Division PREPPING FOR THE GRE, of all things (!).

When I tell people I’m thinking about going back to school, I get this a lot: “You’re changing careers already? I thought you liked nursing.” Some of you may be thinking this very thing at this very moment. I’m not offended, but you should know there are many many post-baccalaureate Masters and even PhD programs for nurses.

I myself am looking into NP (Nurse Practitioner) programs. This means roughly three or four years getting a Masters or DNP (Doctorate of Nursing Practice). Programs start next fall, which means applications are due early next year. So here I am, studying for the GRE which I’ll take mid December.

I have to say, while taking the GRE seems a bit daunting, I found myself getting pretty excited about making color-coordinated flashcards for prefixes and suffixes. I guess that’s a good sign I really am getting ready to go back to school. Sure, I only have about a year of experience under my belt, but in the nursing world, one year can make a huge difference. And since being at Northwestern, I feel like I’m getting experience at turbo-speed.

Today I can honestly say I enjoy my job. I think I can even say I love it. I could not have said those things two and a half months ago. What an adjustment it’s been to move from UCLA to NMH. Who would have thought moving from one CTICU to another would bring so many new challenges and difficulties? It’s great to finally feel like I’m on the other side, once again enjoying being a nurse. I like my co-workers and really respect them. I’m being challenged and stretched as a nurse, and am beginning to have a confidence that I have learned some things and my experience is significant. I’m really thankful for this, and encouraged to feel like approaching grad school is actually a pretty good option for the next few years.

I’m still not sure which program or specialty is going to be best suited for my interests and goals, but I’m excited about moving ahead. I’ll keep you posted.

Real love for this city

Truth is, I’ve had a difficult relationship with the city of Chicago over the past few months. Objectively, it’s a great city; better than LA. It’s got a lot going for itself. Decent public transportation, incredible architecture and history, successful sports teams (for the most part), actual weather. People love Chicago. And I think that’s my problem.

I don’t know when or why, but somewhere in my growing up years I developed a value of loving the underdog. Loyalty to places, ugly animals, sports teams that no one wants to be loyal to. This has made it very difficult to love Chicago with my whole heart. PEOPLE GO CRAZY FOR THIS PLACE!

But what a silly reason not to love a place. It really is great, and–more importantly–it’s mine now. So let’s quick reveal to the world the things that are not peachy about Chicago, so that the world has the truth and I can get on with enjoying my new home city:

1. Nature is far from here. Yes, there are trees, but where is the hiking? Where is the camping? Not that close. (Side note: did I miss fall? I saw some yellow trees, but what about the reds and oranges? Was that it?)

2. The air is not that clean. I smell trash sometimes.

3. This place is seg-re-gated. I see one person in this coffee shop who isn’t white.

4. Watch out if you own a vehicle here. The City of Chicago is ALL about taking your money. 6 hours at an impound lot, an hour in court, and another impending court date and we still haven’t gotten our $170 back for parking in what was NOT a tow zone, thank you very much.

5. People are way too into sports. (We’ve only been here four months and I know the mascots for all of Chicago’s sports teams.) I am skeptical all the people who claim to LOVE the Bears, the Blackhawks, the Cubs *or* White Sox, AND the Bulls are real sports fans. (Can you seriously be THAT into EVERY sport?)

Ok. You’re informed. Now we can all love Chicago with a real love!!!

Recently we saw this guy (Sufjan Stevens!) at the historic Chicago Theater. Boy what a great concert to see IN CHICAGO. Great great great times. That’s three greats. Props to my husband for suggesting attending this concert AND for laying down the cash to do so. Something else great about the concert was that we got to have drinks with the Van Elswyks beforehand AND we convinced them to stay the night at our place (instead of making the long trek back to theirs late in the night). It was a wonderful evening and we got to enjoy a delightful morning with them as well. Win.

Something else recent and completely unrelated: my friend Emily Schmunk is engaged to her boyfriend Kyle!!! Emily is this wonderful girl I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know since moving to Chicago. Turns out we went to Biola together. Also turns out she’s one of my favorite people to spend time with. I feel like we see the world through similar eyes, and she’s just great to be around. What a blessing to have found such a friend so quickly in a new and unfamiliar city. Her and her boyfriend have been dating longer than Jeremy and I ever did, which gives you an idea of what a neat thing it is to see them engaged. Jeremy and I are going to an engagement party for them tomorrow night. FUN.

Also fun: I’m really starting to feel at home in my job. I like the people I work with and I’m learning so much. I spent the past three days taking care of one of the sickest patients in our ICU. I made it through intubating her, bronching her, scoping her, placing central lines, starting her on continuous dialysis, giving her 15 rounds of various blood products, keeping her blood pressure stable, fighting to control all her bleeding, and talking her family through everything. The first day I had her she didn’t start out crazy sick. I was with her when she went downhill and after my first day with her I figured they’d pass her off to someone more experienced. To my surprise, I had her for two more days. It was sort of a wake up call: I’m not so inexperienced anymore. What an encouragement it was to see that my superiors and co-workers allowed me to take on so much responsibility. I had a lot of help from them those three days, and they were three difficult, long shifts that undoubtedly made me a better nurse. This is the kind of job I’ve been hoping for.

God has been so good to us in Chicago. William is behaving much better. Ma and Pa come next weekend. My husband is doing great at his new job AND is making our closet/dog room/book-stashing room into a lovely, cozy little office. It’s chilly outside. It’s November. Life is so good. It’s incredible how many things I get to enjoy. It has to be true that I take far too much for granted.

hello again, everyone.

It’s not officially autumn, but the most pleasant fall breeze is blowing in the window next to my desk. It’s my day off. My favorite music is playing, I’m drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, and the dog is close by. It’s times like these I’m convinced life is significant, and short, and that I might be the most fortunate person in the world.

Jeremy is in New York City for the day. Teach For America sent him on a 24-hour-trip for some training to prepare for the rapidly approaching selection season for new TFA applicants. It’s incredible how quickly we’ve settled into our lives here. It feels like we’ve been in Chicago far more than just half a summer.

Both of us are back to working full time. My new job is a handful, to say the least. I’m finding it far more difficult than my previous job. I was oriented to the hospital, NMH (Northwestern Memorial Hospital) nursing, and my unit (the CTICU) in five weeks. My second day on my own I admitted a patient with open heart surgery straight from the OR (in all the months I worked at UCLA off orientation, I never did this). My third day, I pulled a patient’s chest tubes (something only doctors and nurse practitioners can do at UCLA). My fourth day I extubated a patient (which I also never did on my own at UCLA). Never a dull moment. Never a slow day.

All that being said, I’m really enjoying how I’m being challenged at this new job. Every day I’m being pushed to be a better nurse (and human being, for that matter) whether I feel like it or not. The transition from UCLA to NMH has been just the thing that I needed at this point in my nursing career (and life), and also probably the very thing I would not have chosen, had I known all it was going to involve. For this reason, I’m so thankful God drew our hearts to Chicago and put me in this job immediately.

Something else I’m thankful for:

This is our church! Covenant Presbyterian. It’s wonderful. It’s a PCA church, just like the one we’d found in Pasadena before moving. Jeremy and I are leading a small group in our apartment with a girl named Abby, who is really neat. We had our first meeting last Monday evening, which was a delight and a blessing. Something else I have been incredibly excited about and blessed by at Covenant is the ability to be involved in worship. They even have a choir. Yes, please. Yes. Music is an element of my life that never seemed to fit into my California world, and being able to participate meaningfully in it here makes me feel like I am my whole self again. The church is not quite a mile from our place, so we bike there a lot. We love this.

SPEAKING OF BIKING. Jeremy and I drove to Ohio last weekend to participate in the big Hancock Horizontal 100, a bike race in Findlay, OH. We got really sore, and sunburned, but we made it 50 miles. Jeremy’s grandpa (!) went 62, and his parents rode all 100 on their tandem. It was great to spend some time with family, and get a little exercise while we were at it.

Well. I don’t have much else to say, and I hate to say it but I have no clever way to end this post. So I guess I’ll just end by saying YOU SHOULD COME VISIT US HERE IN THIS WINDY CITY.

Things are Good in Chicago

Summer’s here. Summer is more than here. The longest day of the year has come and gone. But I feel like my summer’s just begun. I’m finally starting to feel settled into our Chicago home and it feels good. Sure, I’m going to jump back into working in less than two weeks, but in Chicago summer is SUMMER whether you’re working full time or not. And we’ve still got at least one and a half (fingers crossed) solid months of it left.

June 29th was the evening we spent our first night in our new home. It feels like months ago. Our incredibly patient and hard-working parents spent several days with us putting the place together. Before we knew it, we were on our own in a new city to start the next chapter of our lives. I loved it. I love Chicago. It’s the perfect fusion of my recently developed love for urban life and everything good about growing up in the Midwest. It’s hot and humid and stays warm at night. Our street is lined with beautiful trees and colorful flowers. I want to walk everywhere, and I feel like like a day hardly goes by that I don’t discover some incredible place to eat. Here’s a picture of this bagel shop down the street I just love. I cannot get enough of their honey walnut cream cheese.

We’ve only been here 24 days and I have a job, Jeremy is enjoying his, and we’ve met an incredibly wonderful group of people. There isn’t much more I could ask for at this point; God has pretty much dropped it all into my lap. If there was ever any doubt that moving to Chicago was the right thing to do, it’s GONE.

In a week and a half I start my new job. I’ll be working in the Cardiac/Transplant ICU at Northwestern Memorial Hospital, which is located downtown. The neighborhood is called Streeterville and it’s just north of the Loop, which is considered the heart of downtown and home to the central business district, where most of the tallest most famous buildings in Chicago reside. Getting to Streeterville isn’t too tricky without a car, thanks to the train and the Chicago bus.

Leaving my job at UCLA was one of the hardest things about leaving Los Angeles. I was anxious about looking for a new job when I felt like I was right where I wanted to be. I can’t tell you how excited I am to start this job, and how fortunate I feel to have gotten it. I’ll be working in an environment very similar to UCLA with a pretty similar patient population. The ICU cares for patients who have had cardiac surgery, cardiac transplants, other solid organ transplants, and possibly even in the next year lung transplants. It seems like a very solid unit with really neat people who are incredibly knowledgeable and serious about caring for their patients well. I’m confident I’ll be challenged there.

Jeremy is already doing a great job in his new work environment. Working as a Program Director for Teach for America seems like such a great fit for him. He highly respects and enjoys his staff already and is eager to start working with his new teachers. He’ll be in charge of supporting 18 core members, 14 of whom will be teaching special ed. for the first time. It’s his job to make sure these teachers’ students are progressing, and that his teachers are doing well despite facing the most difficult challenges and situations they may ever experience. These sound like daunting tasks, but I don’t doubt he’ll do great.

In other news, we’re on the hunt for a little pup! We’ve been talking about getting a Yorkie for a while and we’re finally taking steps to make that dream a reality. I’m pumped, and incredibly eager to find the right one and bring him home. You can count on lots of pictures and plenty of flip footage in the near future.

In conclusion things are going well, we really like Chicago, and-as always-you are WELCOME TO VISIT.

fall’s coming… i better catch you up on our lives

I’m excited for fall. Ready for the cool weather. And it’s sort of been making its way here. The ants are finally beginning to disappear, the evenings are bringing cool breezes into our apartment again, and we have actually had some cloud cover recently. I’ve been drinking more coffee and even getting to wear my fleece sometimes. And it’s September. So it’s actually almost officially fall. I thought there were a few things I should catch you up on.

For one: Jeremy and I are officially small group leaders!

Actually, technically he is the leader, but I am equally excited about it! We had our first night a couple weeks ago, and we have such a great group of people. Some we’ve known for a while now (from the last season of the EP Small Group) and some we’re meeting for the first time. I feel so blessed that God brings so many wonderful people into our home each week.

On a completely different note, we sold the Mazda! This is me kissing it goodbye:

Unfortunately, I will be kissing it “hello again” this afternoon. The day after we sold it, the people who bought it called us and told us it was smoking when they got it home. Apparently they took it to a Pep Boys who told them it would cost $2000 to fix. That estimate turned out to be a bit of an exaggeration, but we’re taking it back anyways. Boo. We’ll take it to our own mechanic, get a list of what it actually needs done, and get back to re-selling. That was quite a downer for us. I loved the Maz, and it was a little sad to see it go, but we were kind of hoping that would be the end of it.

Fortunately, that very same day, I found a BIKE! Jeremy and I drove all the way to Simi Valley for this little number:

I love it. I couldn’t be happier. It rides smooth and the frame is just my size. Our bike guru friend Austin says it’s a great find. All it needs is a new set of tires. Jeremy and I are going to Santa Monica today to spruce up our bikes so we can finally ride together again! I’m super pumped.

Aside from all that, my work is in full swing and Jeremy is just finishing his second week of school with his new batch of Cochran kids. His days and weeks are still incredibly exhausting, and he’s already had those days where nothing seems to gel quite right at school, but he’s keeping it together like a champ. I think it’s helpful for him to compare the year with his last school year. It feels 100 times better, easier and less scary. But it’s also a bit more discouraging to be running into the same problems he’s been seeing now for more than a year. He knows how to balance his life a little better now, and I’m sure he’ll reach TFA’s goals with his classrooms again this year, but it’s still Gorilla warfare.

Well, folks. That’s about it for now. I’d like to remind everyone from far away that we love it when you come visit us, and there’s always plenty of space on our livingroom couch for you. Much luv to you, fams and friends.

i love my job

Just for you–some old school (or as the author of this photo would say, “vintage”) nurses to be inspired by (or at least to enjoy):

I cannot tell you how much I love my job. In fact, I barely know where to even start talking about it. But boy do I ever feel like I somehow landed in the perfect spot. I’m moving past that total deer-in-the-headlights-can’t-seem-to-remember-anything-from-nursing-school-feel-like-I’ll-never-get-the-hang-of-this stage, slowly making my way into the wow-sometimes-I-pick-up-the-things-I’m-supposed-to-be-learning-this-is-at-least-beginning-to-feel-kinda-like-home-and-I-like-it stage.

The first few weeks of my job made me feel like I must have somehow dreamt up all those years of being in nursing school. I must not have actually gone, because if I had, I’d have some idea how to take care of a patient.

I still feel not so competent in many respects, and the more I’m learning in my classes and clinical, the more I find I have yet to learn (of course). But for the first times, I’m having days that aren’t totally clouded by my lack of experience. I’m actually kind of getting the hang of some things. And it’s allowing me to see past all the tasks I haven’t mastered to all the things I really love about ICU nursing.

I LOVE ICU nursing. Love it. I knew it when I first stepped foot in the ICU two years ago. But even more than that, I love my ICU: the CTICU. The nurses are wonderful. The patients are incredible. The cases are wildly interesting and the medical teams are unbelievable. The other night at work I had to pick up a medication for my patient from the 6th floor pharmacy. As I reached the doors of 7ICU I couldn’t help thinking to myself, “How on earth did I get here? I can’t believe this is where I work.”

I know there are still difficult challenges ahead. I’m sure I’ve still got some bad days in front of me, and I don’t doubt coming off orientation will be frightening. But I’ve got to soak up and hold on to these times when I know for sure this place is exactly where I want to be.

Praise God and thanks be to Him for bringing me to the CTICU.

turning and tossing

I can’t sleep. I tried laying in bed with my eyes closed, but I can’t stop thinking about dark blue scrubs and nurse managers and the Getty and the beach. I suppose it’s because tomorrow (well–today, actually) Jeremy and I are going to UCLA to pick up my new scrubs and meet my new manager before we head off to the Getty and then the beach.

Tuesday I signed my papers for UCLA, and next week will be my first week of real work as an RN. It makes sense that I’m excited to visit the hospital tomorrow and begin in three short days. But excited enough to prevent me from sleeping three whole days before it all really starts?

I’m not anxious. I mean I don’t feel nervous. I don’t think I should be freaked out. I had hot dogs and coffee with Kate Jordan today, who–as of last night–has two full shifts in her brand new surgical ICU under her belt. I asked her if she got a little nervous before her first couple days and her answer was pretty much just plain “no.” My other friends who have started also seem to be doing fine. No one seems really worried, or like they nearly wet their pants each morning as they drive to work.

It is a little fishy, however, that I’m awake, unable to sleep, like I said, before the weekend even really gets going. Maybe I’m just really excited about going to the Getty and the beach. Although I noticed I started biting my lip tonight, which is something I tend to do when I’m sort of subconsciously stressed or anxious about something.

It’d be nice if my rational mind could have a little more control over whatever part of me is responsible for these little “feelings” that rudely creep up on me without my permission. I know I’ll be fine. I’m pretty confident I’ll make new friends, learn a lot, and eventually become a really good nurse. But I have a feeling the road there will be tricky for me in some ways. That’s good, I suppose. Wouldn’t want to get out of college and feel like things got easier now, right? Nah. Bring it on. (Carefully, please?)